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  Syllabus for The Essential No Contact Bootcamp

The Why

  1. No Contact is a process by which a person puts up strong boundaries against a narcissistic individual in order to seal that person out of their lives and open the pathway to healing, both psychologically and physically. Most often, this is a romantic partner, but it can also be a parent, sibling, friend, or colleague.
  2. Very little healing, if any, can occur when a person stays in a relationship with or continues interacting with a narcissistic individual. Narcissists understand this, and this is exactly why they engage in the push-pull and hoovering tactics that keep you off-balance. It's also why co-parenting and co-worker situations have such a strong influence on a victim’s ability or inability to move past the relationship. These two cases often require more intentional detachment and self-work.
  3. The objective of going No Contact should be for your well-being. Not for your friends or family, not for your coach or therapist, and not because people on the forums think you should. While those people have your best intentions at heart, going No Contact is the best choice you can make for yourself (and any children you may have). Going No Contact is often more difficult for people when they are doing it because someone else is pushing them to do so. One needs to be ready for going No Contact, which is what I hope to help you with in this course.
  4. The sections in this program build upon each other. The Essential No Contact Bootcamp is designed to 1) help you accept that your narcissistic partner will not change and why it’s essential for you to find a way to detach and leave, 2) understand and implement the process of going No Contact, and 3) provide healing and self-reflection exercises to address your subconscious mind’s resistance to leaving your toxic partner, as well as offer self-soothing activities for when things get tough.

The How

  1. The section on the mechanics of going No Contact will help you prepare yourself ahead of time in order to avoid having to later contact your abusive partner to collect any belongings that are important to you.
  2. Going No Contact may require you to do things that will feel extremely uncomfortable in the beginning. Many of these feelings will stem from buried fears, including those of ‘not being a good person’, ‘not being there for a person whom you feel needs you’, fears of your abusive partner’s potential anger and aggressive outbursts, fear of a possible smear campaign, and what your abusive partner may do to sabotage your life. Many of these feelings surface because the relationship we have with the narcissist parallels one we had earlier in life – usually with a parent,a teacher, or an authority figure. The person who feels this fear is your younger self (or, your inner child).
  3. This is where many people get stuck and end up staying with an abusive partner. If you are staying with your partner from a place of fear and/or a need for validation, it’s a sure sign that you need to leave. If you stay to avoid their wrath of any form, it’s a sign you need to leave. Overcoming our fears is crucial in living a free and peaceful life. It will likely get worse before it gets better, but this period of discomfort is much better than the alternative – which would be living with a person you’re afraid of, giving up on yourself, and being miserable for the rest of your life.

The Healing

Healing takes work. It will not happen on its own.

Time doesn’t heal us. It’s what we do with the time that determines whether or not we heal.

The wounds of Narcissistic abuse are cumulative. They begin in childhood, are exacerbated in early adulthood and life in general, and end with the narcissist preying on those wounds you already have.

The narcissist brings these wounds to the surface, enflaming them in order to further injure you so they can control you and dictate your thoughts and life. This, of course, makes the narcissist feel secure in the power they have over you.

Further, once you’re primed by one narcissist, you become a target for other narcissists. This is due to the way we mold ourselves to conform to the narcissist’s demands and the maladaptive behaviors we develop to avoid the wrath of an abusive partner. This makes us easy targets for other toxic people whose intent is to use, abuse, and manipulate.

Healing our emotional injuries and adapting healthy boundaries and behaviors empowers us in ways that make it more difficult for other manipulators to detect our emotional vulnerabilities. Once we begin standing up for and loving ourselves, we will get rid of anyone who attempts to belittle us or make us small.

As we recover from narcissistic abuse, it’s often hard to tell what healthy boundaries look like because we’ve been conditioned and brainwashed to believe everything we do is done with evil intent or selfish reasons. Through healing, we learn that we can honor ourselves, our wants, and our dreams…and it’s okay. But this discernment only comes through emotional healing.

Below this section is an affirmative writing exercise to help you begin this mission with your final end in mind. Keep your future vision of happiness and health in the foremost of your thoughts throughout your No Contact pilgrimage.

I hope to help you begin your journey of healing with this course.