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  Why I Created this Course

I’m glad you've made an investment in your most precious resource: you.

Those who have navigated the choppy waters of going No Contact understand the huge benefit of investing in themselves. And make no mistake, this course is an investment that can be returned many times over.

Welcome! If we haven't already met, I'm Kim and I'm the founder of The New Life Academy and Healing Collective.

Whether you are in the process of accepting the need for No Contact, implementing No Contact,or maintaining No Contact, the purpose of this course is to help you avoid the common pitfalls I hear from clients in my coaching practice.

In fact, I was inspired to create this course because nearly all of my clients and followers (and myself, back in the day) struggle with the same doubts and frustrations, make the same common mistakes- and, in the process -delay their healing for months or years. Imagine how life would be if you didn't have to waste another day in your toxic relationship!

In this course, I'm going to show you how to get prepared for No Contact so that you can implement it as successfully as possible. The layout is designed to help you understand why you've stayed in a toxic relationship, why you feel hopeless, needy, and worried all the time, and prepare you mentally so you can make the decision to go No Contact when you are ready or to maintain No Contact if you've already implemented it. Also included are answers to the most common questions surrounding No Contact, a section on healing basics, and exercises and mindfulness activities to help you deal with the urge to make contact.

Give yourself time to listen to each module, practice the exercises, do the worksheets, and experiment with the healing methods suggested in this course rather than trying to get everything done as quickly as possible, which will only leave you feeling frustrated.

**Make sure you print out the worksheets, workbooks, affirmations, and anything that is downloadable in paper form. Creating a binder for these handouts allows you to go back and reflect upon your journey and helps you make any changes that need to be made. Doing so also helps prime you for journaling in the event you haven't yet begun this healing activity.

When you've completed this course, you'll have all the tools you need to get started with your No Contact plan and begin experimenting with healing methods so you can get on with the business of LIVING again. The tools included in this course are ones you can continue using well beyond completion as you progress into your recovery.

I am excited at the prospect of having you join the 'Survivor Tribe'. And make no mistake...Life Begins after No Contact! At the end of this section (third page) is an affirmative writing exercise to help you begin this mission with your final end in mind. Keep your future vision of happiness and health in the foremost of your thoughts throughout your No Contact pilgrimage.

You will need a PDF reader on your computer, like Adobe Acrobat Reader, in order to download the worksheets. If you don’t have it, you can get a free copy here.

In the comments below, feel free to share with me and others in the course: What inspired you to finally make the decision to go No Contact?

110 comments
Diana Wilson
Where do I start..
Thanks Kim for this site I'm starting to spiral again and I decided to take the plunge as I've been studying narcissism for the past 2 years and have confirmed in every way he is and yes I was abused. but last night I contacted him to sooth him and his response was nothing less than angry abusive and belittling. I barely had my sanity at the end of our relationship and now I'm spiralling again and wondering if I'm the narc??!!
I was friends with his guy for 2 years, yes he iniated it and then wanted a relationship. There is a huge age difference me being older and even though my head screamed NO I decided to venture into the unknown. The first 3 month were magical never before have I received everything I could of wished or dreamed of in a relationship it was perfect. He opened up to me about a fetish so I did some research so I could be on the same page as him and share in his quirks.. Stupid me didn't know where to look and I hooked up to a site so I could observe his fetish. Then the emails started pouring in and bottom line he found them and thought I was looking at dating!! Ugh it was a dating sight.. With video cams of fetishes. He questioned my loyalty and later an ex rang me and that topped it off for him.. He was sure I was deceiving him. The reality is I've never been more in love with anyone and the last thing on my mind was betraying him.. He started isolating and pushing me away tactics.. This was to become normal, and every time I was so worried about him I forgot about me.. I eventually spiralled downwards to a needy, pathetic low self esteemed female that was loosing it emotionally.
At the beginning I was a strong individual who didn't need anyone but I had a trauma past and we met at a 12 step meeting. He liked my strength and light I am an empath naturally. He had a traumatised past with an unavailable emotionally detached mother. He wanted my availability but somehow ended up hating my strength and chipped away at it until I was so low.. I am not unfaithful either but he never let go of my seemingly unfaithfulness.
He wouldn't hear me let alone forgive my stupid decision to go on that site, this started another 9 months of a love addiction dance of distance and smothering.. He would run away but never talk about it on return and I thought he'd forgiven me - but he never did. I started studying and he hated my distance and self involvement he always made snark comments and didn't realise I was doing this for us and our future. It got really bad and he left me, as I was finishing a uni degree, I'm quite intelligent but I couldn't understand the pieces were so pixilated and it's taken me 2 yrs to put it all together. Recently I looked online as he's a singer songwriter and he'd dedicated a song to me - it's all about how lonely his life is and his adventures to the mountains and places that I'd love to go, but I don't deserve it.
I sent him a msg to console him and that I was saddened by this. He responded so darkly saying I am to blame, my abuse and manipulation I put him through he also called me a stalker.. I realise about projection and understood his retort but it shook me to the core.
I admit defeat and I'm feeling toxic now so I signed up for this boot camp. Please help Kim, I can't stop the rumination, I'm a nurse and love to give back but I feel toxic now.. And apart of me can't let go of him, I see my part in it but he does nothing but blame me and shame me, he can't see his part. I can't go to the 12 step fellowship cause I know he's blackened my name and has gone into victim. He's also had 2 other relationships and told me he was just distracting to avoid the feelings.
I need to let go please help me..
I couldn't list all his tactics here and I feel shame around them as I played a part as a protector to him but got abused at the same time. I feel such an idiot. I don't think I will ever be healed enough for another relationship.
Jilly Ralph
Incidentally I was with him for 12 years and I feel like my heart has been ripped out!
Jilly Ralph
I was ill he didn't care, I ended it as felt so poorly I couldn't argue with him anymore. He was trying to pull me back in up till Mid February with a gift then emailing each other, then nothing. I have reason to believe he is with one of my so called friends I am in so much emotional pain now I even walked up his street last night to see if her car was there and I am in tears now writing this I so need help!!!
Ivana Lidya
I don't know what to do
Feel so angry, but can't turn back the time
I keep on visiting his new girlfriend's instagram account to look what is going on. To prove what the NPD theory in reality. I want to know what is his pattern in relationship. Try to collect evidences and try to educate my self with reality. What is in my mind until now is, if i can see that he can do the same romantic things to another woman, so i need, i have to wake up my mind that i am not the only one. I wanna burn my own dream. i wanna detach from my delusion. It's so painful. i wanna join in this course to get to know, to find the logical thinking, to find the reason, to collect evidence (based on real knowledge and to validate my path healing). I know that someday when my child or my new lover ask what happen with my sanity. I won't know how ready i will be at that time when they ask about it. And i hope, this healing process with you all will be authentic evidence for my future live with new people surround me.

I wanna stare straight to the N's eyes and speak out loud that i don't need anyone like him. tell him through my eyes that i am above him in every side of my new living. i wanna richer, smarter, more passionate, more success, and prove that my dream is more realistic than his.

i am so angry.. i wanna see his failure in life. i wanna see his deceit, his cover will be revealed. i wanna see him die and feel so shame of him self.
Charmaine Jennings
Hi Ivana,

I understand everything you are saying........the anger, the waste of time, the "burning of the dream".

I hope that you will start on this no contact course asap! It is very helpful and insightful.

The Instagram visiting is NOT helping you. Not one bit. I know it is so hard to not look into these social sights for validation, but really, you've already validated it in your head or you would probably not have come across this site. It's our hearts that have to catch up. And it will, I promise. However, I fear your heart will feel like an open wound every time you check that Instagram account. My heart couldn't start to heal until I went NO CONTACT including social/internet sites. Lots of folks tried to tell me this, but I didn't listen for awhile (felt so un-natural?), but am so glad I finally gave it up. I want to heal my wound and save my heart for something much more worthwhile.

The way I see it, our hearts deserve a big break and time to heal after these evil spirits have taken so much. I don't want to give him/them anymore.

I hope your heart heals very soon.





Ivana Lidya
Hi, Charmaine ..
Thank you for your respond. I am afraid to hear about the engagement day or wedding day of the Narc and his new lady. It hasn't been happened yet. I just need to be prepared. Sometimes, I feel that thing won't be a reality. And if they would berak up, I want to know how the process and the pattern.. I wanna know how suffering it would be for the girl. Will it be the same with me? My logical thinking, my brain demands so much explanations. It's so exhausting.

But if they will be married, what will I do? I haven't been with someone else yet. It scares me out. I've found God in my healing process. But, as human I need a man also.. not only for lust, not only for being the reason for ignoring the past and focus to the someone new.. I need someone to talk to, to share love as exciting as when I was with the Narc. Being happy with someone else, is kind of prove I wanna show to him that I am happy without him. That there is a person accept me as a normal human. Me as myself , not a person in a trash can. I wanna show that my mind, my idea, mu thought, my reason, my opinion is accepted as human perspective. I wanna be normal like everyone else. But, in the other side, I realize that someone new to come is not an eraser for my past. He is not a healer or pain remover... I need to be healthy enough and serve my self at the best condition for someone new in my future....

Why is it so difficult to do the possitive things that I know it as the best things to do for the first time? Why do I have inner conversation within my mind? So absurd. I am tired...
Charmaine Jennings
Ivana,
Mine was married within 6 months of our breakup. There was a little stab of pain naturally, BUT, I also know what this poor victim is in for. She moved 2000 miles away from everything to be with him. I hope she is safe and trust me when I tell you---after all the reading and research I've done about Narcs, I wouldn't trade places with her for a zillion dollars. Would imagine she'll be Googeling key words for answers before too long.

For me, the reading and researching helped my HEAD understand what had happened to me. I encourage you to keep doing whatever you need to do to wrap your head around your situation and this course is a wonderful resource!

You cannot help him, change him, rescue him, love him enough, etc. But you can do all of those wonderful things for yourself. You are worthy and you deserve to have better than what you've had with him. Heal your heart and mind and let good love find you.

A F
Everything in my life is amazing with the exception of this one situation...but it affects everything and I want to be free from it. It's been off an on for years and years and he's been horrible. Lied about everything (still does), lied about living with someone else, being engaged (even tried to lie when confronted about it); promised me the moon, owes me thousands of dollars (luckily I did not lose anything else, own my home, car, etc). Just struggling to grasp nothing means anything to people like this. He's turned everything around on me and accuses me of being manipulative and drama, etc keeping out the HUGE fact that he's lied to me about everything he's being doing and who he's been doing it with. It's hard not to take the blame, and want to fix it. And he knows that side of me and plays it against me. If I cross the line, or try to get him to apologize or own anything in it, he shuts me down, blames me and punishes me by blocking or ignoring me for days/weeks at a time. And then just texts/calls out of the blue when he thinks enough time has past for me to "get over it" myself. He found God and I thought it would change him, but he did all of this (the engagement, etc) while going to church! I don't know which way is up when it comes to this situation anymore and I want to get out, but feel stuck and I don't know how to stop wanting to try to fix it and blaming myself.
Stacy
I need to heal. I need to figure out WTF!!!! My narc #3 says at some point I will realize it's me and not the men I choose. Unfortunately, my last 3 long term relationships have all been with narcs. The last being the love child of the previous 2. He had traits from both previous narcs and was by far the most vicious human I have ever encountered. Mentally, emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically. Nothing was held back. He has called me everything but human and done the same regarding my children. I have had the same job for 15+ yrs and in my industry for 21+ and yet I am apparently a stupid dumbass bitch who doesn't know shit. I have raised my 3 kids alone, who are all grown and working and in college. I own my own home, which he moved in w me mind you, and I have never once received any assistance. Yet, I am a worthless piece of shit and I am a lazy, stupid, idiot, dumbass, lying, coo coo mental bitch. Well of course I am. I am sick of his shit and when I stand up for myself, I get the put downs of a lifetime. My ex husband, narc # 2, never verbally abused me just mentally, emotionally and physically. But when he sobered up he at least felt remorse. This narchole feels nothing. So as he "left me" while I was at work last week, I struggle with another failed relationship. My friends say all the time, I give way too much and I need to stop giving these men excuses when the signs were there from the beginning. I know I need to love myself and that's my work now. But watching this video makes me upset because I am not what he says I am, even though I do keep having the same destruction because I do choose the same type of sharp dressed man who underneath is Satan.ο»Ώ
Beth Levy
I now know I've been in a series of narcissistic abuse relationships. I managed to escape the last one last august. It took a tremendous amount of planning and strength. I am going through divorce from him now, and my lawyer is dragging his feet on sending him a cease and desist - no contact letter. I have blocked his numbers, texts, and now put a rule in my email to send anything he emails me directly to the trash. I was saving them in the hopes of getting a restraining order again. I have had two on him already, but dismissed them after returning to him. This caused me much distress in every way. I regret going back & just want to move on. Lawyer encouraged me to work with my soon to be ex directly, I don't think he understands narcissism thoroughly. It is a little late in this process to switch attorneys, plus I had quite a lot of resources before-which he has drained from me. I am supposed to go to mediation on Monday. My ex had nothing when we met, just that fake charm I fell for. He made me feel safe and loved, but it quickly morphed into abuse. I know the person I first met never really existed. Now I think I have PTSD and my memory is weird. Like I go places, and get there....but forget the whole drive to and from. I feel like nobody understands me or wants to. I had extreme loneliness, so I went to a counselor. I am no longer seeing him because he told me I was acting crazy, would call me beautiful, and was actually quite mean and abusive to me.

I don't have another therapy session with my previous female therapist until the 23rd of March. I left her because I work in the adult industry, and was embarrassed to tell her about it out of fear of being judged. I was seeing another counselor at the womens shelter, I felt I needed to tell her about my work. She judged me, and didn't schedule another appointment for me, which she always had in the past. I felt judged once again, which made me think I needed to see a male therapist who possibly wouldn't judge that type of work.

He gave me horrible advice, told me to date- when I was no where near ready to put myself out there. I trusted him and went out on dates, which didn't go well at all. Left me hurt once again. I told him about this & he said, "I was just trying to keep you from going back to that sociopath".

I told him I was setting up my will and getting life insurance to protect my assets from my ex, so my daughter would get everything. He told me I was acting crazy. He doesn't believe me, and it hurt me. He told me I wasn't able to deal with society, he joked it later. I said it isn't funny to me & that I am very sensitive. It wasn't a funny joke.

My attorney wants me to settle with him vs. going to court in order to save money. I am supposed to pay him temporary support in that settlement, which is very hard to accept. I try to compromise by giving him marital assets, but it is never enough, he always wants more.

I told my therapist that I asked my attorney to please help me. He said, "That makes you look crazy! don't do that!"

He made fun of me & said that there are no aliens coming down to get me, it was way out of context and hurt my feelings very much. I never spoke of aliens - I was telling him the truth. My ex stands to gain a lot if I am gone, he thinks that is crazy. I wanted to show him the pictures of my abuse to prove something, but decided to just move on and not see him anymore. I don't think he is a good counselor at all.

I feel stunted in a way right now, I had to escape the home I bought to live in a duplex with my daughter. He is basically squatting in the house- the law states I have to maintain the property. He refuses to work. Blames me because he was found guilty for violating my last restraining order & it is on his record now. He says that is the reason he will not work.

I had to leave behind my premarital things at the house, not sure how to get them without being in contact with him. I am being very reclusive right now, not talking to anyone. When I do, it is my adult acting name & it is like I have two personalities now. One is somewhat famous for porn & the other is the real me. The real me, is afraid a lot.

I am not sure which direction to go right now, at a crossroads in my life at 44. My ambition and drive are low because of self esteem issues. I listen to pinchmeliving on youtube to try to reprogram my brain with positive self affirming statements. It helps a lot.

I've realized it is easy to go down a path that is familiar, even if I know it leads to the wrong place. I am choosing to go down a different path that is unknown to me at this time.

Beth
Stacy
Oh my Beth,

I can relate to your story on many levels. I did see a neurologist because I lost I was losing my mind. Had brain scans for tumors. Underwent several different tests for many things and it was PTSD. That was from my second narc. Now I unfortunately just have been discarded by the 3rd. Whom I told to get out of my house 3 wks ago but he started the love bombing and when I thought maybe he respected me for standing up for myself, nope, he was baiting me so he could leave me without a word while I was at work. He took only a few things and still has tools and things at my house. I'm left with wtf thoughts, no esteem and he has isolated me from everyone. Lonely doesn't even describe how I feel. My grown sons are half done with me because I don't have enough value in myself to stay away from these narcholes who dress like Jesus but under are Satan.
Pria Acharya
When I was able to connect the dots that my husband of almost 10 years is a covert narc, what needed to take place was evident. My ex is an overt narc, and I had kept justifying that my husband is different, even if there were issues...until I learned about coverts. Having learned what I have about my ex, I knew there was no future with my husband, so I filed and have been in the process to divorce, eventually looking forward to no contact. I'm on the path to get there. I'm grateful for freedoms along the way, such as his finally moving out 2 weeks ago after 7 months of captivity in the same home.
Ann Cassandra
Today, I sent my narcissist ex a letter to say. I am complete with him and moving on with my life. I requested no contact of him and said goodbye. I realize I will never get any apologies or remorse from him. That frustrates me to no end. I searched around the internet and found this course. My intention is to be cleared from him for good and when I see him, I will feel nothing. Nothing at all and in fact, I will think to myself what was I thinking in dating him in the first place. I want all my hurt to go away forever, I want to be transformed. I want to break all bonds from the awful demons in him and to never ever allow a person like him into my life again. I am done with these narcissist, misogynistic, selfish men. I am done calling them into my space. I 'm making a decision today to move into a future of being healed and finding a true heart-true love partner to spend the rest of my days with. Onward and upward!
Darcelle Mattson
It has been a long journey to get where I am today. Through a lot of prayer and searching, I found the answer to the question that has been challenging me for over 18 years; why is a smart woman like me always spending my time sucked into the agenda of a person whose life is always a mess, is always blaming others and can never, ever stop making everything about his own experiences?

It is a huge blessing that I found this course and all the support provided by those who sincerely have taken the time to care. I have worked my tail off trying to defend my "husband" who has totally exploited his relationship with me and his children. Narcissistic thinking is so twisted that there really is no other option than to push back and go completely no contact. I am thankful that I have found a process and methodology for doing exactly this. Thank God that I have never suffered like some of the rest of the "tribe." How awesome i it that we can all share, so we understand that we are not alone. Power on all of you and know that you are valuable and valued.
Charmaine Jennings
I left for the LAST time (yes, there have been many before) a year ago after a particularly bad black eye and face that was initiated WHILE I WAS ASLEEP.

He packed up that day (a day early )for an already scheduled week to visit his parents, begged me not to "leave him again", and hit the road. I know that I should have called the police, but I seriously believe I was in such shock, that all I did was get a bag of frozen peas for my face and go to bed. I slept on/off for 2 days. Every time I got up, I would go look in the mirror hoping that it had all been a bad dream. It was not....on the third day, I text 2 dear friends and said "come get me". I was mortified to see the look on their faces when they saw my face.

That was the end...........here's the beginning.........

He was my first love.....my first everything. I was 16 he was 18, high school sweethearts. He left for college my Junior year of high school. He met and married someone he attended college with and I went on to marry and have 3 children. I was married for 22 years. I would run into my "first love" about once every 5 years (grocery store, party, etc.) and my heart would just skip a beat. My 16 year old heart would just LEAP. He made sure I knew that he "always loved me", "always thought of me", "hoped I was happy as I deserved so much", "did I ever think of him?" blah, blah, blah..........

After my divorce, my friend and I were on our way to dinner and she saw him walking across the parking lot of the restaurant (to be honest, I didn't even recognize him as he had gained a lot of weight). She pulled up along side him, rolled the window down and called him over. OMG! I was completely freaking out. He came to my side of the vehicle and the sparks flew. We asked about each others lives and found we were both recently divorced and I truly thought fate had finally come to visit me. Boy did it! Ha.

Within 3 months were seeing each other again. In all honesty, I DID see red flags within about the 3rd time we were together, but my flag was the amount of alcohol he drank. I had never been around alcohol much and was certainly not prepared for what that can do to someone. When we were young, drugs/alcohol had never been a part of our (now I know MY) relationship. I was shocked! But, guess what? I just knew with all my love and concern he would stop when he realized what this was doing to me. You know, "the one he never got over". However, he was pretty convincing when stating the reason his alcohol consumption was due to being so MISERABLE with wife #1 (she supposedly had an affair) and then wife #2 was just HORRIBLE! She had "introduced him to drugs" (although he swore/swears that he was not using anymore). Even during his drunken stupors I would just think "bless his heart, he's been hurt so much by these awful relationships. Good thing he's got someone that truly loves him so that he can have the life he should have"! I cannot remember the times I broke up with him over the next 3 years, but it was a lot. After about a 3 month sober period, a promise of "I'll do anything for your love, Baby doll". He bought an engagement ring and we decided to move in together. We picked out a beautiful house and against every GUT INSTINCT I had, I dove in with both feet. We hadn't set a wedding date, but it would be soon. In all fairness, it wasn't that he didn't try to actually try seal the deal, it was me saying, not ready yet. I said that for 12 1/2 years!

Of course, within a week he was drinking vodka like water, out with the boys, trips to Mexico, Vegas, etc. And then, all the other SHIT started......secret phone calls, raging over any and everything! Screaming, blaming, projecting, possessive, up my butt about EVERYTHING! Just a nightmare. Ever so often he would say "Baby doll, I know I'm not easy to live with. I'm so LUCKY to have my best girl here with me that loves me no matter what". Makes me sick to think about it now.....in fact I'm getting pretty pissed off just writing this all down....

He lost 6 really good jobs (he's a professional) in 10 years. He made erratic business decisions that were financially catastrophic but continued to spend many thousands of dollars to impress others (friends, co-workers, family, etc.). I continued to work at the same job and enjoyed it much as I spent about 2 weeks a month on the road (peasant that I am). Knowing I could be held responsible for his debt was just another reason to "put off" that darn wedding! Ha At any rate, the years roll by. Working, keeping my head down, trying to soothe him, trying to ??? Well, I would have tried just about anything. In the 10 years we lived together, I moved out 4 times, However, there was not one day that we didn't at least speak by phone. Same old, same old, "please come home Baby doll. I don't do well without us". "I know I'm hard to live with", rinse, repeat.

After he lost his last job (a year before the big show-down), everything escalated. Everything. I was not working on the road much at all and also worked from home. We were together 24/7 for a year. I have never been so miserable in my life. He did everything he possibly could to sabotage my work including breaking my phone, hiding work-papers, answering my work phone (!), yelling and screaming while I was on the phone, etc. He would otherwise be sitting in his chair watching TV (up to and including porn) all day and night. Or eating. Or drinking. Or out with one of the 2 OW (that I know of). Throwing stuff, breaking stuff, raging, lying to EVERYONE, saying horrible things behind the backs of his family and friends (all of them!) then asking them over for dinner..? WTH? Wanting me to watch porn with him night after night after night. Wasn't too hard to just give up and sleep in the spare bedroom for me. In fact, it got to the point that I HOPED he was shit-faced drunk so he would pass out and I could go to the spare bedroom and enjoy the rest of the night. I did learn to take my purse, keys and lap-top in there with me as those things had been taken and hidden several times before. Oh yeah, and my jewelry. He was really into taking that engagement (for lack of better word) and all my other good jewelry and hiding that too. What an ass. He was also becoming more and more physical meaning a push, shove, smacked up against the head, objects thrown at me.

Two of my friends from out of town came to visit for a week. He was actually pretty good while they were there although we didn't spend much time with him. The day they left, I was exhausted from all of our adventures! I spent the day doing a little house cleaning and laundry. Nothing out of the ordinary. Again, I was very tired and went to bed about 9:30 that night. I woke up at ? have no idea what time it was. I remember getting up and getting my house robe on and going to the couch and telling myself I had just had some really bad dream. It was just a dream...but such a real dream that my face and head hurt and gosh, so did my hand. I have no memory of anything other than hurting. I still don't. At some point I got up and went to the bathroom, turned on the light and saw myself. Blood everywhere, right eye already swollen completely shut, forehead red and swollen and my left hand turning all different colors. I'm sure I must have put my hand up to defend the blows. I think my hand hurt worse than anything else as I recall. As I was walking down the hallway he's saying "Baby doll, come back to bed. I miss you". I went in there, turned on the light and was screaming "look what you've done to me". If I had it to do over again, I would have called the police immediately. Left the house. Called someone. Anything other than what I did which was to go to my spare bedroom with a bag of frozen peas and sleep for two days.

A couple of years ago while doing an internet search on alcoholism, I learned about NPD. I couldn't believe the similarities I was seeing, but just would not let my self believe he was NPD. Now I know differently. He spent a year sober (2011) and was just a little softer version of the monster that he is when drinking.

OK, almost finished...........
The last night with him was March 12, 2016. I saw him briefly in July (at a public place) where he pleaded with me to come home and not "throw our lives away". I guess since he thought we were meant to be together (his words) that I should too. He brought up everything nice thing he ever did and how he had loved me since we were children. I was not interested in that whatsoever, but ironically found out the very next day that he had met another victim in April, flew her 2000 miles to "visit" on 2 different occasions (they were just "friends" ha ha). Hmmm, anyway, his credit card bill started showing up on my credit and was increasing about $10k a month. ( I was able to get that taken off my credit but last I knew was up to $50k). I moved to another state in September as he was stalking me DAILY. I went No Contact the end of October. He married his poor victim on January 1, 2017 and guess what.........he's never been happier! He's finally found his "soul mate"!! Wife #1 (married 5 years and also left the state), Wife #2 (married 3 years and later died at 47), me (12 1/2 years) and now Wife #3. I sincerely hope she is safe.

He's out of my life, now I want to heal him out of my head.

Thanks for letting me vent.......ONWARD THROUGH THE FOG!
Quynh-Mo Tran
I am very satisfied to have bought this course. I am already implementing No Contact for almost 4 months since November 26th, 2016.
BEATRIZ DE LOS RIOS TORRES
What happens if you have children and have to continue seeing him? How do you manage?
Margo
I am happy to be here. I also have a series of narcissistic abusive relationships. My first was when i was 18 years old, and today I am still in that relationship. now we are friends--close close friend,s and I thought I had these same feelings I had when I was 18--love. But in reality, I think it is because he is a narcissist and I am hypersensitive, and he feeds off me. And I feel some elation when he gives me attention. It sounds crazy to type that. But I really think that is it. I don't think it can be love or that it could ever be love because it so unhealthy. Because I am finally aware of what is going on, I have been acting differently, which for a narcissist is very hard to take. He has been lashing out (verbally, emotionally). I have never seen someone be able to turn the tables so quickly when he is being criticized for something besides my ex-husband.

Besides this friendship, I was married and am now divorced from a narcissist, and I have a child with him--my 6 year old daughter--and we have joint custody, so I have to deal with him all the time. It is very hard for me, and I find myself STILL trying to relate to him like I would a normal person. I feel like such an idiot when I do this, and have a terrible time setting boundaries.

I was engaged between this 18 year old relationship and my husband, and I'm pretty sure that guy was a narcissist too or at the very least, very unhealthy and cheated on me all the time.

And now because I have terrific friends, a daughter who is more important to me than anything else, nice parents, a good job, etc--I am getting healthier, and I am in a healthy romantic relationship that I want to keep and sustain. It feels so different than anything I have ever been in, and it has been a rocky road for us because of my abuse recovery and still in contact with both narcissists. So I decided that I needed help. I looked on the Internet and I found this course.

To all of you who have shared your stories and are about to, I think you are very brave. You encouraged me to write mine here.
Jeanine Ott
I have an older sister n law who is narcissistic. I have been married to her brother now for 36 years. I was born a intuitive psychic empath. I have to say though before I realized this, I put this woman on a pedestal. She always told me and in front of our mothers, she always wanted a sister. I felt the same. As the years came and went and I became aware of her habits or uncaring ways, the one that truly hit home with me was when I had foot surgery in 05'. She told me she would be there and never came. Oh, let me back up I had a cyst removed in 85' and someone had to be with me in the day surgery. I so wanted her to be there and yes, needed her. She told me she would come, but when it was time to wheel me in, my husband came through the door. Please understand I did want my husband there, but was afraid of losing it in front of him. I wanted to remain strong. I was so happy to see him walk through the door. However, he told me his sister called (as he has 2 but this is about the oldest one again) and said she couldn't make it. She got up late. Some excuse. When I came to she was there with him. Now going to the second time I was in the hospital for a real surgery on my foot. she wasn't there again. She told me she couldn't leave the office or some lame excuse. I suppose by then after hearing this, something kicked in for me. I was on my break walking so I called her when I got back to work from healing. I told her how I felt and said you would of been there for your brother, best friend, or husband..why couldn't you be there for me? Of course she said "oh you silly girl, your so sensitive. Of course I would of been." She acted so non concern towards me. I would go up and down with my emotions like being on a roller coaster. I was so tired all the time too. I felt hurt, sad, and started seeing how she didn't want me around her and her best friend. Her best friend wanted me there..in fact confided in me about my sister n law. She told me we are suppose to be best friends and close, but the way she was treating her was the way she was treating me too. It hurt for a long time it still does. I have pulled away though. It was over a year ago before my younger sister n law retired and moved in with her. poor woman as she too is an empath. One day my older n law called me for lunch. I felt like I was being redirected not to answer the phone, so I didn't. It was the hardest thing for me to do to ignore her. I kept playing over and over in my mind did I do something unloving or wrong? It got better as the weeks and months went by. I finally stop calling her. She stopped calling me. We only get together now as family for holidays or birthdays..that is all. My husband is fully aware of her actions and does not go over there or call her either. I realized this woman used, manipulated, lied, bullied, gossiped and who knows what else about me..oh yes blamed me for everything that happen. I got into trouble by her husband something she did but blamed it on me. I had to tell him when he showed up what the real truth was. He understood. I have called her out on things of course they deny ever saying or doing it. It just amazes me how good they are looking at you in your eyes lying. Even over the phone. This woman stays in control so good!! lol One time we did go out to eat, the wind was so bad blowing and all, that when we sat down I looked around no one was looking so I brushed my hair quickly. My sister n law was reading her menu when she looked up and said, "how tacky to do that, everyone is looking." I just started laughing at her..I knew then and there she was lying. She looked down not saying a word. A few weeks after that I said to her.."when we went to eat out that time there was no one looking at us, it was you who didn't like me brusing my hair, right"? She said yes..can you believe it she admitted the truth. However, she never forgot it and tried pushing my buttons later on something else to use against me. I happen to come across this wonderful course and group. I am so grateful to be here to learn new tools to help me and for me to continue my healing. Thank you kindly
Sharon Williams
I left my relationship almost six months ago. I haven't been able to go 'no contact' as we are still in the process of trying to sell our jointly owned house (which he still lives in!). I would like to be more contained and detached (and ideally at peace) during my brief interactions with him. I'm still struggling with feelings of anger/resentment ... and also grieving for the man I thought he was. In fact this man I loved was an illusion. I slowly got to know the real person behind the mask over the course of the 3 years we were together. It is hard to accept that it took me so long to see who he was ... i feel like I have betrayed myself and should have seen the red flags earlier. So ... after six months I am still grieving for my lost 'illusion' of domestic bliss, while he was on RSVP the moment I left (and quickly found his next victim) without a backward glance. I think of him as mentally ill ... this is the only way that his disloyal, dishonest and increasingly abusive behaviour makes sense to me. I have weekly therapy, am working through the Pia Mellody books ... and also attending CoDA and ACOA meetings here in Australia. I went into this relationship full of energy (almost recovered from CFS), career going well, lots of friends and feeling hopeful about my future ... I exited feeling like a totally broken, depleted and traumatised person. My health issues returned, and I am still unable to work at full capacity. However, my friends and family have been supportive and I am slowly crawling back from the brink.
Lizbeth
I was the rescuer in our relationship. I managed to kill myself working just to secure ourselves financially and make her happy. We were together for 15 years. Throughout those years I kept our family unit together, working, buying and selling property and even helped her start with her career. We were engaged everyone was so happy for us, I truly thought I was living my dream life. Well, three months before the wedding she slept with another woman, declared her love for her instead and discarded me like a piece of trash. She then proceeded to hire a lawyer to financially destroy me and to take my house away. I implemented no contact right away and dealt with her craziness via lawyers only. I just recently found out she had a big wedding with the woman she cheated on me with. It's plastered all over social media. Needless to say, I won! I won the lawyer battle for my house and I won my freedom. I'm here to stop this cycle cause I realized I'm a magnet for these people and I want to put a permanent stop to it.
April Beech
We have been and still are still living together for 22 years. It got bad after he convinced me to quit my job and be a stay at home mom. I could tell that I immediately lost value to him then. That was at year 6. It got worse still after he opened his own business in a field that my father apprenticed him in being as he had no sons he felt he could pass his legacy onto a son-in-law. Not once has he shown appreciation or gratitude for this. He has even criticized and put my father down. He even moved over a county and opened his own business to compete with my father. Now he has all money and complete control over me. I have no license as he will not insure the vehicles I drive. Not until I loose my license. Now he will insure them it that doesn't include me vbecause I have no license to drive. I do still drive because I have children who need things and they have a life that should not be broken apart because Mommy can't get her crap together. I've never felt so alone and angry. I have this terrible feeling of wanting to inflict pain on him. Any and all pain. I just want him to pay for what he has done to me and my kids. He has started taking his tactics out on the kids if he can. Which I stand up for them and that too feeds his supply. I feel like everything would be better if only I weren't here. But then that would put him raising the kids and that is the most horrific thought ever. But my absolute worst fear now is of something happening to me where I would be crippled and defenseless and have to depend on him to provide care for me. Oh the thought literally keeps me sick to my stomach. I need a safe place to land but most importantly I want my kids to know that they always have a safe place to land. They definitely do not have that now. I'm sorry for that. Down to my core I feel I'm letting them down daily.
Kim Williams
I thought I'd met a stand up, honest, hard working, good guy. He wasn't very confident building himself up to me. I chalked it up to his not being in a relationship for a while. First couple months were ideal. Then the first signs of "this isn't the guy I met at all" started emerging. It took pulling teeth to get him to go away over night. He wasn't engaged in activities as a couple. He would get up and walk away or (his famous one) have something else to do (the gym) in the middle of our day together. A girl confronted me at his house saying I was #3 and she had just found out about #2 and she'd been with him for 13 years. He said she was crazy and jealous because she thought she'd be his girl. I didn't know who to believe. I let it play out. Just before our first anniversary he said he'd been talking to an ex for 2 months and they were going to give it another go. It was just before my birthday so double whammy. I had booked a trip (hot air balloon and champagne brunch). That got cancelled and he was mad at me for it. He disappeared 3 different times for a day or two saying he was with friends. I pulled up a background check on him to find out he owned a house with the girl from the beginning and he had two domestic assault and battery charges on women.not good. I pulled away The second year. Went away for a weekend. Came back to two months of winning me over again just to get punched when I let my guard down. We were sparring. Of course he was sorry. In three years years time we never spent more than 24 hours together. My schedule with him was always changing. I was being stupid for tolerating it. I was more than fed up. He'd get mad at me just in simple conversations. He always had to be right. I never got affection from him. The couple times I did I cried because I was so starved for it. I couldn't handle being a yo yo to his outbursts any more. I wasn't going to waste another year trying to predict which mood he was going to be in when I saw him.
Jill
Just feel so stuck in a pit of despair and see my life passing me by. I am 61 and want to live instead of exist...feel time is running out.
Jennifer Jones
I am petrified- I have no confidence, no self esteem, and I am losing any hope that I can survive. I have not left him yet.
Nina
I've been in a 16 year relationship with this man. We were never married. I had3 children from my marriage. After 6 years, and after personal tragedy my partner left me a 10 pg letter and was gone by the time I got home from work. 10 pages of infractions ranging from vacuums being left out to dog poop in the yard. We reconciled after about 10 months and never discussed his temper tantrum again. 10 years later on 12/25/16 he did it again, only this time the letter he left accused me of infidelity AND stated he had DNA and other medical evidence of proof. COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE because I never did such a thing to him in 16 years. It's been 2 months and I am still struggling desperately to figure this all out. I've heard from him a few times since and while he continues to profess his love for me, he maintains my "guilt". Now he has added another mystery "woman" who'd called him over the course of the past year saying I was cheating with her "man" and that T should leave me. Well...he did, but he left most of his belongings stored in my attic (I own the home). It took about a month, but I finally got rid of all of his belongings as I knew there was no way that I was going to let him back a second time, especially with such a horrible accusation. He has since admitted to taking my under garments and trash and having them DNA tested from a "private and confidential" life long friend and Lab owner. At this point I just need to STOP obsessing over this at NIGHT. It's the WORST at NIGHT. I want to reach out, to hear his voice, to hear him tell me that someone put him up to this and confess everything... YES. I think I'm crazy to even think that's possible... He left the country.
Tina Girvin
I wanted to gain me back. Tired of the lies cheating deception and being with someone that drains my energy. I thought I could change him.
Kimberly LaMonte
When I hit rock bottom and realized I needed help and quickly. A friend who is a social worker was willing to help unitl I found my long term counselor. She told me to go no contact, which thus far I have.
Nadia Laraqui

when the words he said to me made no impact anymore as he stepped up to another level, smash things, throw things at me, spit at me, throw me out of his home and then started the physical violence. forgave several times but what hurts is that he is responsible for me to force him to beat me. I levt him, lost my Jobb, money och en bit of my self.... I want to feel good again and never go back but I still strangle with feelings I have for him.
Karena
I think No Contact is the only hope I have now of saving myself from this grief and reclaiming my life.
Judy Hippensteel
Almost 5 years cannot count the break ups and the pain of being discarded. My life was going in circles and the abuse was getting out of control and scary. I'm out I discarded him and I no contact him. I realize the trama bonding the degrading the mental abuse is making it hard but I can never go back. Next time he will destroy me. Breaking away is the only option and deprogramming myself is a key
Margarita Perez
It's not an easy task to let go. There's not one day that I get up and my mind is not filled with conflicted thoughts of my husband . Many times I question not ability to stay on track
Angela
After finally being released from my ex-husband emotionally and legally, I realized it was time for me to live my peaceful life. I am now in a position to show my 2 boys how to live in a peaceful, not chaotic manner. I want them to understand stability. I want them to know that they have a strong and reliable mom. I have my moments of feeling defeated, but I want a stable life. I want to be able to trust people again. I finally established with my ex is that he is only allowed to email me when necessary. He can speak to my boys directly. I am 42 and I've been with him off and on since we were 14, we were married for 20 of those years. It's finally over. He left us a 2nd time as a family, which was painful because of the way it was done. The way he cut my boys off to get to me. I am just ready to live, I don't feel like I ever really lived. But, I'm ready to start.
Kim Saeed
Hi Angela!

It sounds like you have a great plan for a fulfilling life. I also left in order to show my children stability and that love does NOT involve pain and betrayal. My relationship with them is better than ever. Had some serious making up to do after not being present with them for so long...

Wishing you all the best :)

Kim
Angela
Hi Kim,

I also feel like I wasn't present with them. It's a little scary when I think about it, but they have their mom now.

Thank you for your blog posts. You provide the best help ever for understanding and moving on. Thank You!
Melinda
I'm dying inside and it's too hard to feel this way all the time.
Kim Saeed
I can relate, Melinda. What I learned in my own journey is that we hurt when we stay and we hurt when we leave. Better to receive benefit from the pain of leaving and eventually heal than to stay in a painful relationship forever.

Kim
XoXo
Linda
It's too much to continue this way
Kim Saeed
I feel you, Linda. It's not easy at all...and precisely why going No Contact is so hard to pull off.

Kim
XoXo
Caroline Correa
I've been trying to go No Contact for the whole past month, although he keeps creating new accounts (emails, twitter, SOUNDCLOUD??) and finding ways to reach out to me. I've done just about everything short of changing my email address (such a pain) and phone number. Every day I have this eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach dreading if he is going to find some way to contact me, and whether it will be hoovering or some kind of verbal assault. I just need help.
Kim Saeed
Hi Caroline,

What you've described is, unfortunately, something that many of us have endured. I wish I had better news, but it's probably going to be necessary to change your email address and phone number. I've had to do both, although I use them for work. It was a little inconvenient, but all-in-all, it took less than a day to transfer my emails to a new account. The freedom I got in exchange for the one-time inconvenience was beyond worth it!

Cheers,

Kim
Marlene Ebio-Toomey
Anxious to start rebuilding myself after considerable period of fear of prospect of being on my own and yet ended up being abandoned.
Kim Saeed
Hi Marlene!

It's definitely scary when you are faced with the prospect of being on your own. That's typically because most of us have an insecure attachment style - and most likely heard comments from a toxic partner that we could never make it without them.

Well, it's not easy in the beginning, but you'll be amazed at how simple acts like drinking your morning coffee in your living room without the danger of being mentally abused out of nowhere can help you find courage and hope to keep moving forward.

Hugs,

Kim
Lisa Wood
I am so tired of being miserable. Life alone is so much more rewarding than life with my narc! I just began no contact this week and I want to maintain it for eternity!
Deborah
Life is too short and precious to continue living an illusion. The mental stress is akin to someone slicing into your skullcap, flipping it over and playing with your brain as though it were play dough, laughing all the while because they are one up on you. After several years it got physical last week, I realized there is no real love in this relationship, It's not supposed to be damaging and the longer I put off leaving the more I will become an enabler of this very bad behavior. I want no part in that! Pray for me please!!! I am having a hard time thinking clearly.
Judy Worger
I have lived all my life with a narcissist in it, my sister. My marriage of 36 years broke up and I began looking on dating sites. Only to find that there are very many strange men on them. Just when I was about to cancel, one said to me that I have sad eyes. Having been sexually abused in my childhood, raped in my teens and then gang raped at the age of 42, sure I had sad eyes. And in walked Romeo. So loving, kind affectionate. Made my lunches to take to work with a little loving note inside. Sent me flowers. Had a wall plaque made declaring his love for me. I am an empath and have depression. He saw me coming mile away. His next victim. He has had so many broken relationships many who know him take bets on how long each will last. He lies. He transferred his bad behaviour to me. He is a single dad with full time custody of his 12 year old son. I landed up being this kids mother. My ex insisted on me being involved in the discipline and setting of boundaries as "he respected my experience" as I have 2 wonderful adult children. What I didn't know about was he and his son were having quiet little talks undermining me all the time. He was desperate for me to separate my financial affairs from my husband's. And even more desperate for me to stop considering my husband a friend. All his break-ups ended in total animosity and he could not comprehend how 2 people could still like each other but not want to be in a relationship. At 58 my financial security rests with my husband still doing the right thing by me. When I fell in love with my narcissist he knew the score. But he used it against me all the time. Niggling away at me over any contact I had with any other male, even mates from years ago living overseas. Picking fights and then not talking to me. So from being my soul mate he became my persecutor. My depression started worsening and my contact with him triggered PTSD from my earlier events. The day I went into the psych hospital he moved out and the next day was adding single females who had been contacts on dating sites or lovers. This was while telling me that he was in love with me and we were still together. He was also telling my family the same. I know I am better off without him. But I lost myself. Obviously, having attempted suicide due to this person I am on meds and seeing a psychologist. But I still morn the loss of the love I thought we had. He constantly told me that I was the love of his life and he felt a deeper love than he had ever had with any other woman. And now I really don't know where to go. I do everything that I'm told to do by the psychs but honestly it doesn't help in the night when I am missing the cuddles and loving. I know that it was all intended to hook me in. He has been bankrupt 3 times and I am relatively financially secure. And that was what he was after. He asked me to marry him within months of our meeting. When he realised that he wasn't going to get his hands on my money and then was also going to need to support me through depression I was no longer of any use to him. I know it sounds dramatic, but I would like to take a shotgun and blow my brains out all over his face. Yeah. Tragic. But that is the phase I am in at the moment.
Meribeth
I lost my life, my teaching job, and my dignity. I have been in and out of this for almost four years. He is vey high official here in a small time. I have tried therapy, church, psychiatrists, and have been hospitalized. He will Hoover me back. The discards are brutal and come without warning. He has ruined every birthday and Christmas for nearly four years. I blocked him today. When I try to leave he will not talk to me for months and during this time will torture me by asking my friends out or by contacting them. He is cruel and loves to diminish me. He's so jealous that I feel i can move. My girls are suffering because i spend a lot of time crying and in bed. I finally found another teaching job but I'm slipping again. After three months i returned and he was so good. He wined and dined me, helped me with my car, and was so kind. Slowly, the subtle put downs began. He goes out constantly. I hope this is a private sight. I'm scared right now. Not physically, mentally. Yes, I blocked him. I took a job over an hour away. I no longer shop here. I cannot move because of my girls. I have been suicidal. He will just discard me out of the blue only to return. He is also entangled with his ex wife and she even stays over when he says it's for the kids. They still take beach trips and I actually believed it was for the kids. My entire life is in shambles. I can't seem to go through the withdrawal. Today, I talked to him and said no more. He said, "yeah ok we can give it some time" i said look no time. It's over. It's like he didn't even care. It's almost like he didn't hear me. I'm a smart person. I just can't seem to break the cycle of not returning. A lot of people told me they see him out with other women. I have also questioned if he is bisexual. I feel so down. I am lost.
Liz
Hi,
I'm a teacher also and we are very caring empaths; A narcissist's candy of choice. I went through the cycle and one colleague who went through the whole thing herself told me to document each incident because a pattern tends to happen when these folks come back/go nuts.
Think of it as a lesson plan; It'll surely help you stay focused on you and your kids
Liz
My husband's abuse began within a month after we married when he threw a phone at me. At first, the excuses, deflections and lack of acknowledgement would make me doubt myself. I began to turn to his family members to see if there was a life jacket they could throw me, but pretty soon I got caught in the title wave of a river called DENIAL. As situations got worse, so did the physical violence. I couldn't question, or opinionate. I was surprised to find myself in the middle of an argument which outside parties now feel was premeditated by him, and for the 3rd time in my 18 month marriage the violence escalated so badly I wound up on the floor with a facial contusion. I found myself with a gym bag in a hotel room to discover our marital funds were depleted and for months I was the only person contributing to the joint bank account-hence paying for all bills including gas for his car mortgage, insurance and all our dates without my knowledge. This is why he'd put on a show when I'd ask about our finances. I feel like an idiot. I stayed at a shelter for a little bit with .73 cents to my name.
Iyana Leach
I found out I was pregnant and told my then partner. He gave me a cold gaze and suggested I have an abortion and told me he does not want it. This after a on and off again three year relationship. He then picked up on December 21, 2016 left and never came back. I tried to call him he would answer and hang up. I felt pathetic I begged and cried. But the entire time he treated me like a slave. I gave him my money, trust, love and devotion he called me week and said I deserve to be taken advantage of. I am a certified life coach, and feel ashamed that I allowed this for so long. Here I am pregnant with a second child and alone. I have no idea how to heal from this. I pray I meditate they help some. But I can't figure out why he stopped talking to me or why I care besides the fact I am carrying his child. I know I am strong I just need support.
Tamaran Crane
What finalized my choice was the realization that every time I had contact bad things happened. I sought discernment because these people (plural) are Not Xs but family. For my own safety growth victory I need to go no contact. I left then in God's hands I may or may not contact them I the future but at this point my own health and victory is imperative. Let God work them out. I need to focus on what He has for me and him (God). Thank you
Victoria Santiago
Looking forward to going through this material and figuring out ways to set strong boundaries with my Ex without feeling so damn guilty all the time.
Laurea Rolfson
I am so excited to do this course! I was married for 30 years so obviously very deep in the cycle of abuse. I kept hanging on because of hope, guilt, fear etc etc. He is very convincing when he is in the love bombing part of the cycle. I finally started opening up to a few people I trusted and found support that that I needed - I was just always too afraid to take that first step. I've been out for 4 weeks now and it has been the best - I feel so much peace - it's amazing! I need this course though because he is trying and saying everything to get me back and I need to remain strong so I don't get sucked back in again! Thank you for this support!
Sharon Burton
It will be 4 years of in and out with my narc. He is dating someone he treats well (trips Christmas NYE but says he's not in love) and we are once again heading toward a situationship. She is the first woman he ever posted on FB. It made me depressed over the holidays. I have been to therapy but she really doesn't address how I need to let him go but keeps saying I need to. I need help.
Diane Trent
We were discussing how something he had promised wasn't going to happen and were interrupted by a phone call to him from a woman.
Bonnie Jean Fernandez
I actually went NC almost 5 months ago from my third Cluster B/Narc relationship since my divorce from one 7 yrs ago. I wasn't certain if this course would apply to me since I've already been NC, but I'm desperate to find a program/process to heal once and for all and stop getting involved with these disordered individuals.
Kim Saeed
Hi Bonnie,

Thank you for sharing. It definitely applies to your situation because it will help you maintain No Contact from your last partner, but it will also help you begin healing on an emotional level, helping you create boundaries so that other people can no longer take advantage of you - whether in romantic relationships or otherwise. Once you become your own best friend and advocate, you will never let other people steal away your self-worth.

Hugs,

Kim
XoXo
Sian Jones
Finally realising that the narc really didn't care a damn about me. I became quite unwell and he wasn't bother. Played down my illness. A person with no compassion is the ugliest thing in the world.
Plus I felt I was always asking him why he didn't ring me back or text me back. I thought if he loved me enough he would do it anyway.
I also felt very uneasy around him. Anxious stressed and drained.
I can honestly say I have never come across such a nasty vile creature in my whole life.
And I'm annoyed that I kept going back time and time and time again. Every time I went back I sat next to him and thought why don't I keep remembering how awful I feel around him and in his company.
He has brainwashed me so much to make me think that no-one else will ever want me. Even though I've had a few offers
Kim Saeed
Hi Sian,

Yes, it's definitely frustrating and heart-breaking when we keep going back, only to realize they have no true intentions of being a better partner, or even a better friend. I know what you mean because I was with my Ex for over eight years...eight years of expecting him to change. He never did.

I am going to be adding some new content to the course in regards to "self-sabotaging" behaviors. Any time we give in to the urge to break No Contact, we do it because we want to believe their lies, but in the end, once we look objectively at the history of the relationship, we have absolutely no proof that they will change, only that they will keep fooling us.

We must go with their actions and not their words. In your case, that he is not calling is a sign that he is triggering your insecure attachment, making you feel needy. It's all very intentional. So, when we keep going back, it's essentially self-sabotage because we are reacting from our emotions instead of making choices based on facts. (No judgement here, I did the same thing for eight years).

Your healing habit action plan is to not break No Contact. Tell yourself over and over that this year is going to be your best one yet. Let all negative things in your life go so you can begin your healing once and for all...and go back under the 'Healing Basics' section in the course and do the third video under Melanie's module, and do the one by Jeff - Shifting the Inner Landscape. In fact, it might help you to contact Jeff because he does one-on-one energy healings.

Kim
XoXo
Shari Ganyo
After 16 years, yes....16!!! I NEED to do this to for ME. I'm not happy (understatement), I've lost who I am, who I can be and have zero self confidence. The years of lies, silent treatment, emotional/verbal abuse, infidelity, etc....have worn me down & I'm typically a strong person! I continue to come back, continue to hope for change, against everything I know to be practical & true. Desperately seeking help to make the final move, regain MY sanity & life. Thank you for this program!
Kim Saeed
Hi Shari! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us! We are excited to have you in our healing community and I have no doubt that if you stick around for support and do the exercises and healing suggestions in the course, you will definitely be on the way to healing and a better life. It may take a little while, but as long as you make the commitment to incorporate new healing habits into your daily routine, you have the potential to be happier than you've ever been in your life!

Hugs,

Kim
XoXo
Jacqueline Cortez
I realized he will not change and I realized I dont want to live with someone who has no respect for me. I want to heal and be able to live in peace and find myself.
Rebeca Soria
I actually dont know how i decided to leave my partner. We had a fight one night and the day after i woke up, and i knew i didnt want to be with him anymore. It wasnt when i told him i had depression and i had a suicide attempt recently, and he proceeded to tell me about his depression. It wasnt when i was crying on the phone to him, cos i was lonely and i wanted him to come home. He decided not to come back home that night. Not when i realised he kept lying to me, and he didnt respect me at all. I spent 3 months silent, didnt tell him anything about what was going on in my life, and he didnt even noticed. That night he said i was never going to leave him, cos i was useless and i had nowhere to go all by myself. It made me so angry! Im broke beyond description cos he kept taking and taking. He could do whatever he wanted, but when bills came up, he had no money. He was always the poor little victim. He likes to say "everybody is out to get me". Idiot! Rent, electricity, his rego, his insurance, his materials for work, i paid everything. And he doesnt even remember! He paid for McDonalds a couple of times, and he reminded me for months!!!
I want to hate him so much!
I left, but im still paying his rent. I dont even know how the hell i ended up paying his rent! I am struggling with money and everytime i make the decition of cutting ties, he tells me another lame storie of his, and boom! I give him more money. I dont know how to stop it.
Preet
I went to Hospital for panic attack and decided, this man isn't worth the loyalty and me. He needs to be kicked out. It was long 12 years. I met the psycho at age 14 and my most prime time of youth went to the creep. I hope to heal asap and move on to better life. I am unable to work right now because the abuse. May Lord help me heal! Amen
Tjeerd Wichers
I decided to go No Contact after I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me, for which I gathered evidence by putting a sound recording iPad under her sofa in her house, while I was not there during one week (which I am not proud of but it gave me brutal evidence that she slept with 4 guys in one week: enough to take my decision, and she her finally for what she really is. I did not not disclose my source or evidence, I just left one month ago.

Since then No Contact, but I feel stuck, numb and really want to move on.

I have been together with her for more than 4 years on and off during a period of 6 years.
When we met, I was going through a divorce, and feeling insecure and vulnerable. She was listening and caring and fun. And very attractive. More than 10 years years younger than me, and full of energy and passion. Totally different than my ex wide, who was not narcissistic by the way.

She introduced me to her parents etc within a week, and everything went really really fast. This felt like paradise, I felt so lucky have found her.
After three months it became clear that several ex-boyfriends were still in the picture. She also had more male friends than female friends.

She really was a daddy's girl or princess: only child, always received everything she wanted and more. A sense of entitlement.
And she was very attractive and sexy. Really feminine, and 11 years younger than me (I am 44 years old, from Amsterdam).
She did not have long term plans, works at the clothing store of her parents, and takes life day by day. Which suited me well after my divorce: I just wanted to have fun.
But then the hot/cold started, and the lying (about literally everything, even if it was not even relevant or necessary to lie she would still do it, in hindsight to create chaos and smoke and mirrors).
She was like a chameleon: she was wearing what I liked, like her perfume, shoes, makeup everything.
On the iPad recordings, you could hear how she was seducing her new date (a cosmetic surgeon from Germany) on Monday, me on Tuesday (I was not aware yet of what was about the be disclosed after listening to the iPad next week), a Sales guy from Versace who bought her clothes at 80% discount on Thursday, and her ex boyfriend of 21 years older on Friday. In each conversation, her tone of voice, speech, stories and even accents are different. Things that she despises with me, she loved in another conversation. I really was speechless to listen to this.

Now I finally know that she was playing a game and was acting, pretending. She never even loved me, she doesn't even know what that is.
She is spoilt, egocentric, entitled, no impulse control, no remorse. She feels jealous of others, and has created this sexy, seductive image of herself: ultra feminine with high heels, long nails, fake boobs, long blond hair etc, even though in her upper-middle social class that is not really the norm.

I attempted No Contact for the first time in 2011, then in 2013, then end of 2015 (after 2 years of not seeing her I received a Facebook Message and I fell for her again, hoping that after 2 years she finally grew up) and then mid 2016 and now end of 2016.
I really would like to perservere now and heal my childhood wounds which have led me to like these kind of abusive women.
My mother used to be alcoholic and although she was not mean, she was self centered and unpredictable in her moods and responses.
Lauren
I went back for the 100th time, I asked one thing of him: that he change his phone number because we had been on and off and had trust issues already. A couple nights later he still had not changed number he had 85 messages from an ex and his other ex girlfriend is driving by the house. A light bulb went off, he's a fake he just wants to feel wanted by woman, he would throw away a chance at true love for it but he acts as if everything is my fault, that I left for no reason. Im tired of the bullshit, I know my worth, I've always been tough and im flabbergasted im even in this situation. I have a new found respect for what woman in abusive relationships go through, my perspective has changed and I've learned a lot but I just want to be able to be done once and for all. To not care what he says or does what he posts about me or pics he posts of me trying to get ms to contact him. I know this is not love but I need help because I can be easily persuaded by him for some reason I loved the jerk.
Shelby Kitch
I am right there with you...
Shauna Powell
I was with my narcissistic ex-husband for 17 years and felt blessed to be married to him. I bought into all of the deceitful things he said to me and Although I suspected he was cheating on me -whenever I suspected that, he would get angry and say, "when would I have time to cheat?" When he finally decided to replace me with one of his 20yr. Junior mistresses, I was lost. It has been so hard to accept and the worst part is I still want to talk to him and see him. He's been 'hovering' for a year post divorce. He was the love of my life. We were baptized into Christ literally in the same pool of water, my devotion to God makes this even more difficult.I hope this course will help me put those feelings out of my mind and realize my self worth again.
Shelby Kitch
I cannot understand fully, as I was/am not married to the man I am dealing with but I too am devoted to the Lord. I think it is hard to mistake our duty to God and our spouse/partner. Jesus loves you and adores who YOU are. You are precious to him. He wants the best for us - whether that is a man or not. I truly believe God's path is better than anything else. Stay strong. You are worthy!
judith
I have been in a toxic relationship for 7 years .. 2 kids later and i need to not have him in my life anymore.. we are separated but i still allow him to impinge on my day, every day and its so tiring. I have no dounts that if it where not for the kids our contact would no longer be an issue. But having had kids with him helps to complicate that. So i joined this course to see how i can imprive my methods and get free once and for all :)
Karen Sue Houston
I finally woke up after a suicide attempt and realized that it would not have really mattered to him if I lived or died, but it really needed to matter to me, but why didn't it? I needed to gain back my missing self esteem.
Janet Oja
Thank you for this course first of all. I'm also working through Melanie Tonia Evan's material and am grateful there are these forums available to us. They are saving my sanity. My sanity is why I need help to go 'no contact.' I'm tired of feeling nervous, weak, emotional, sentimental, physically shaking and wanting my ex's attention everytime I see him at the hockey rink, which is every weekend, Saturday and Sunday. My kids tell me he's on a dating website. He always shows up dressed to the nines, sneers at me, ignores me and walks away. I want to move beyond caring.
Nancy Peden
Hello Everyone: I have been severely abused/enmeshed with first my mom and then an ex of forty years of marriage; I am 66 now.

Till just recently I highly identified with my mom as everyone else in the family thought she was just an alcoholic; like a fool, I empathized and though I now see, I was enmeshed on severe narcissism. I have empathy for the whole family but I am developing boundaries and self-love. I do not communicate with them and had to threaten one bro with a restraining order when he threatened to get involved in my health care as I am now legally disabled.

I grew up at mom's bedside and as a teen committed her 3 times. Her mother was also institutionalized for "melancholia" in the old days and my beloved sister died in 2014 after 30 years battling cancer.

In 2014, I was, blessedly diagnosed severe mthfrc677t by a great psych who uses food as therapy. As I am homozygous, I know both father and mother had it.

Interestingly/tragically, the men turned out violent and abusive and the women go ill, very ill.

My father was a doctor so I got to watch him beat mom bloody, stitch her up and then go off and play God for patients.

MTHFRc667t, the most sensitive form, causes mental illness, cancer and heart disease and all run through my family. I have had cancer and mental illness. I have been damaged seriously by meds. I bet my doctor dad was bipolar. And all the males are narcs: I simply did not merit much attention in my family though I nearly finished a Ph.D. and was next to my dad, the most highly educated. Yet no one listens to me.

Till just recently, I figured my issues were with my dad but study and the help of a very good EMDR therapist, I am learning that the enmeshment with my mom caused me to be nobody but her doll and care-giver.

She was an artist so I married an artist. She adored him.

I was married to a very subtle narc, like my mom, who seemed to treat me like a queen on some levels but we both sort of sotto voce "knew" he was more valuable than me in the job market and as an artist. Well thanks to some darn good therapists and geneticists, I now know differently. He is a complete liar who owes me 80k along with 100k to IRS and his dad.

After my own low self-esteem put me in a toxic mold historic home he wanted to fix up, the MTHFR came on. Epigenetically we would say it was caused by mold and abuse. Epigenetics is the environment that turns on or off mutations btw.

Though in 2004 I knew little about the genetic damage of mold, I wept when we moved in.

As a degreed botanist, I knew it was not good but I felt my vitamins would make me able to survive. By 2007 I had ovarian cancer, two surgeries, 3 chemos (being an empath and highly sensitive as MTHFRs are, I caught it at stage 1). I allowed myself to be put on many many psychiatric drugs that made me sicker and sicker (antidepressants that I am allergic to led me to try suicide in 2012).

My ex abandoned me 2 years after cancer (2009) and began on his own reducing my legal alimony until last year when he paid nothing and I PAID HIS bills last Christmas! He begrudged me trying to sue the landlords saying I was always looking for a fight.

In 2014 when Obamacare came in I was able to get a good diagnosis and able to on my own get off all psych drugs, on to good genetic treatments and it turns out I now know world famous biochemists and geneticists. GMO vits plus multiple psych drugs cause MORE mutations.

In early 2015 when my NPD landlords found out I was suing them through the state, they threatened me with total ruin in court. My ex and they get along great. He colluded with them to get me out and I lost everything. They claimed no mold; I now know this is not possible and could not even give away some of my beautiful things due to mold smell.

So in total PTSD terror, I self-evicted. My darling gaslighting ex, when I could not find a home in CA, suggested I take "a trip" back East to old friends. I did but they could not handle my needs, dietarily nor were they very sophisticated psychologically. After one month I received a court summons; ex was wanting to stop all support.

By but pure grace I was able to buy a car based on the huge debt he owes me and I was able to connect with a legal angel who helped me go to court via phone. He claimed in 40 years of marriage I did nothing for him; even in my distress, I knew what a blatant lie this was.

My ex lost, but he is now only having to pay 975 per month and I have had to ring that out of him each month. I have gotten more grounded and when I told him I was now losing teeth due to the mold I think he woke up a wee bit but this will continue to be a battle as he truly is a liar and a bum.

Several therapists have told me I am resilient (today's EMDR was a good experience of this) and much more functional than the bum that so enchanted me.

I am finally from my own sheer will-power and grace, housed in a good senior apt in NM, though the apt robbed me blind, making me wait in a motel for four months. I must recover and begin manifesting income, somehow.

I enjoy writing and being alone a lot and even in EMDR today we could see how my introversion and ability to speak and connect with others makes me valuable. I have a blog I want to redevelop and a book in me.

I am not new to all this work and in fact, am highly trained but losing my home, my sancturary has been truly a challenge. I am blessed to have a good therapist and a wonderful Unitarian Universalist Church and all have helped me immensely; I am full of gratitude and pray 2017 may be the year I really reclaim myself. This program is one way.

Best wishes to all. Here is my blog as it now stands: www.livedlearning.net Please send prayers and good thoughts as I do to all. Thanks for reading. NP
Anne Casiere
This may sound kind of "out of order " to you, but I started using essential oils and then I began to "wake up" This was 4 1/2 months ago, since then Ive had a LOT of insights into a lot of things. I realize that I need guidance. Im 62 , and I need to grow so that I can be a positive influence. Ive alsway wanted to help people, but I realize that I need to heal and grow first or else its "the blind leading the blind". Thank you Kim
Laura
I want to go no contact so i can get my life back. I have been spending every waking hour wondering what my soon to be ex husband is doing and why he cant and wont choose me and our daughter. I feel empty inside and can not start healing while he continues to be emotionally abusive. One day he says, he loves me and wants to stay married and the next he pulls the silent treatment. It is absolutely devastating. To make it worse he has a new girlfriend (that he lined up prior to me moving out)
Shauna Powell
I'm amazed how your story mirrors mine. I discovered this website a few days ago and never realized what I was dealing with. It's like being sick for years and finally finding the specialists that diagnosis you correctly.
I too want the hours back I have been spending obsessing over his life with his 20yr younger mistress he left me for.. He's been playing us both for a year.
He might not choose us, he never really did.mbut we must choose ourselves, our children, our future..we are worth it. (I struggle daily to believe this..)
Kim Saeed
I remember those days, Laura...wondering what my Ex was up to and who he was with. Then, I finally realized that it didn't matter. I finally accepted that life with him would always be the same and the only hope I had for a better life was to leave, and so I did. It took a while for me to heal (I didn't know about narcissism or no contact back then), but my life is better than ever...at the age of 45!

Wishing you the best
Kim
Taylor Tewhare
I understand the complexity of no contact, it is indeed a long journey, my inspiration is my will to learn more about such things.
Taylor Tewhare
I am lost
chaya
Im frustrated and tired of investing so much time, energy and money into personal emotional healing from NA only to be crushed and devastated after reading the narc's emails that retrigger me...I refuse to expose myself to his covert abuse and harassment in his email/text communication. Im not sure how its going to work with having seven kids and sharing custody, especially with school arrangements...but Im ready to do it and not look back.
Sarah Faria
I try no contact, but failed on all trials. Now I'm ready to heal and go πŸ’― no contact with the narc!
Candace Hawkins
Finally decided I needed the peace to heal and move on.
Michaelle Van Linden
I've been no contact for 5 months but every once in a while feel the pull of him. Just last week he contacted me through LinkedIn to ask if we could talk. I unlinked him but his contact threw me off and unsettled me.
Paul
He left me for New York, strung me along, kept taking money, demanded more, when I said no, he flew home to try and make me sell the house, all rushed, full tilt pressure...I retained a solicitor. He broke my request for all contact through the solicitor and wouldn't cooperate on arranged, witnessed visits to our home for him to pack more of his stuff. He's flown back to NY, been gone a couple of weeks now...So no contact is established, as I await the fight for the house.
Vanessa Knight
I needed to begin moving forward in this journey of letting go of the crazy. I haven't technically began No contact yet I do the Gray rock trick and try to stay as emotionally disconnected as possible.
Cathy Martin
I was with my narcissistic ex-husband for 36 years and felt lucky to be married to him. All of his criticisms, verbal and physical abuse, humiliating me in front of others and believing all of his lies, completely shredded my self-worth. I had bought into all of the awful things he said and did to me that I never suspected he was cheating on me too - whenever I suspected that, he would get angry and say, "when would I have time to cheat?" When he finally decided to replace me with one of his mistresses, I was lost. It has been so hard to accept and the worst part is I still want to talk to him and see him. I hope this course will help me put those feelings out of my mind forever.
Pria Acharya
I am in the process of starting divorce and still live with him, having been using Gray Rock with limited, as-needed contact as we share a child. I have been divorced from another narcissist, who I have had no contact with for years, and understand the value.
Loree Starkey
Its the only way to get peace again in my life---no contact! I have been free of him one week
and I can FEEL the peace compared to the emotional anxiety when he is somewhat still in my life.
I am taking this course to get the encouragement I need to send an email specifying no more
contacting me. I still feel a thread of connection to him yet I spend many hours a day reading many
books, watching therapy type videos and talking with counsellors and best friends. I KNOW this is
my sign from GOD to make this move and GO NO CONTACT! in order to get my independence and
peaceful life back once again. I have been reading your website for many months and now I want
to get serious and learn HOW to do the No Contact necessary. I tried a year ago but got sucked back
into his false words of love eventhough I had read all about it I let down my red flags and fell for it once
again. This time I must stay with the No Contact.
Kelly Mergens
I want to do it so badly! I've been traumatized and retraumatized on a daily basis, and I finally realized I don't deserve this and that I want a peaceful, loving, spiritual existence; not to be someone's verbal punching bag (or their conscience, police, mother, keeper, secretary, physical object, fall guy, scapegoat, etc., etc, etc!) I'm tired of being used and abused. I want a real life! (I had one once, and lost it, and ended up here).
Donna Matheson
I went no NC in 2015 for 3 months after believing I was dealing with a sex addict & learning that his current affair at that time claimed he assaulted her sexually. I was advised by a marriage counselor to stage a family intervention & to get an order of protection. We were NC for 3 months. The girlfriend recanted her claims & our families weighed heavy on the fact that he was in specialized counseling, getting help & that his counselor felt his 25 years of cheating was "an escape" & not a sex addiction. We have 4 adopted kids with varying special needs; 2 of which missed him terribly. I dropped the order upon recommendation of parenting time & eventually agreed to reconciliation. The man that came back was ten times worse & vengeful. Once back in our home, I picked up on the patterns instantly....same old cycle. I soon after discovered the term narcissism as it was previously suggested by our former marriage counselor. The more I looked into it, the quicker I began to connect the dots. I am convinced that he is a covert psychopath. It took me 8 months & a private investigator to get him out once again. I was able to obtain another order of protection based on investigator findings & some of his current messages (including a attempted suicide video)....the "crazy" had kicked up several notches as he continued to try to gain control that he had lost. I knew too much and once he was back in the house, his mask was off for all to see. He couldn't snow me with his lies & this angered him...I have no doubts that he had every intention to harm me. The day after I was issued the most recent order against him our daughter disclosed that for the 2 months prior to him leaving that he had been molesting her. She said that she didn't tell me because she was afraid that he would hurt me. She said that he seemed different since coming back & she was fearful. It has been reported, I am now in trauma counseling with her. He lawyered up to avoid his interview with detectives & is actually challenging the order in court next week. He's completely delusional & will continue pathologically lying to hold onto what ever shred of a shield that this beautiful family has provided him over the years. I'm convinced that he used the uniqueness of our family to gain attention from many women over the years "such a great, compassionate dad" when in actuality, he couldn't have been more vacant....It's sick! Hindsight is 20/20. I was already cemented in my feelings to remain NC this time around. I have even greater reasons to do so now & I will protect myself & my children (as much as the law will allow anyway) from this toxic excuse of a human being. The more I read & learn about these personality disorders, the more clear the picture becomes. At this point, my goal is to work on myself & to be in a healthy state of mind....to break the cycle of codependency which I believe kept me on the hook for so many years...to become stronger & a better example for my children... and possibly to be a counselor or coach someday myself (long term goal). Thank you for providing such an enlightening course. I look forward to all that I will gain from it.
Vanessa Knight
I saw the course was one I could do online at my own pase and I could also not have to travel anywhere to get the information. I also couldn't buy the book because my "No Contact" time doesn't come until 2017 of October when I will be graduating from Medical assistant school. I was also excited to see I could used the resources I could use for a life time. Excited to begin!!
Ayala
Hello to you Kim and to all! I am a therapist myself and... well, have recently gone no contact with a narcissist! Yes, although I did have a clear intellectual picture and all the signs almost from the beginning of this relation, I fell victim to him for over six months. The pain is even sharper because of my knowledge about the disorder... A strong affinity for this man's apparent (only apparent) high spiritual awareness and involvement as well as his recognition of mine (which I now question of course) was the pit I fell into. Thus I got my portion of thorough abuse. Late in my life I am now facing - if not with shame, at least with great sorrow - my vulnerability and some unhealed wounds that revealed my codependent nature I hoped was taken care of... For sure I do not wish to face it on my own. I preserved myself from major dangers, took necessary steps to cut myself off from the man, but he may still appear plus, more importantly, I badly suffer from the void I am in right now, however necessary. I need healing and for sure prefer to do it with your help. Your blog and you tube 8 things the narcisist doesn't want us to know appealed to me so here I am, willing to clear up the field, to regain my power, self trust and self esteem, all fragilized during the last months and hopefully to be able to live with serenity and in better company soon... I feel as is I fell - of my own responsibility - from my faithfull old good horse I wish to ride again, freely and happily... So thank you in advance for your presence, tools and resources I hope to find here and use to help myself.
Jenora Perkins
I started a codependence anonymous (coda) group in this city about a year ago, thinking I would be strengthened enough by helping others that were going through this. I would faithfully open the meeting each week and couldn't understand why I stayed so sick and unable to let go. In my mind I thought I was different than everyone else and would prove that I could stay in contact with my narc and love him enough to save him. I have not had sex with him in over 4 years, but stayed enmeshed with him emotionally while trying to be friends with his new supply so that everyone would see how loving and forgiving I was. I would become so drained after spending time with him, but write it off every time. I began a sight online and would post so much about narc abuse, and continued to think I was fine. I was working two different 12 step programs. One day I was just over all of the self lies and I said to my higher power that this was never going to end! I was never going to be able to let go! I needed help! I felt that I was going to have to die to stop being codependent with him. That's the day everything changed, I could feel it in my heart, and now I'm ready to take responsibility for myself and my actions. Thank you for being here as a resource for my healing.
Nancy Stover
I was raised by a narcissistic grandmother who saw me as her possession. I was not allowed to socialize with anyone except at church or school so I never had any close friends. I was taught to never tell anyone my trouble, but serve others. At age 19, I married a boy I had dated in high school. He was very controlling. I could not go anywhere unless he went with me. He constantly told me I was nothing without him and I could not make it on my own because I needed him. He said we had no friends because nobody liked me. I had no job skills to speak of so I stayed because I could not provide for my 2 girls. This was back in the day when child support was voluntary (on the man's part). After the girls left home he divorced me for another woman. I was devistated. He fought the property settlement for 5 years until both our girls finally told him to get it over with. While this was going on I met a man who told me that he had been watching me for 6 months and I was the kind of woman he wanted for a wife. He seemed perfect because he liked everything I liked, he wanted everything I wanted. Our relationship moved very quickly and the day after the divorce was final we were married. Occasionally his cold, hard attitude surfaced but I excused it. His credit was ruined so fo course he used mine and I undertook to pay off his bills and support us while his money was to spend as he wished. I found out that he was a porn addict and was seeing other women. He told me he wanted to quit but he needed help. He got help, but lied his way through it. I developed heart problems and needed surgery. After my open heart surgery, I discovered that he had found paid porn and had run up $24,000 in credit card bills and he only made $25,000 annual salary. That was the end for me, but of course, he promised Yada, yada, etc. He went to a recovery group at church, but instead of attending the meetings, he used that time to date various women. I caught on early on, but kept feeding him more rope till he hung himself so to speak. I filed for divorce which was final Aug 31. We both still live in the house because I can't afford to move and he won't leave. We only share the house not anything else, but it is extremely difficult because he is acting like nothing has changed. I am stuck here until I can qualify for welfare because at 80 and with poor health, I can't get a job.
karina tarpinian
I am at a loss here... I see comments left 3 months ago and no reply? @Kim Saeed ?
I wish to go completely no contact because i want to heal !
Anita Moore
One day I said, the only other person I know who treats and reacts at me the way you do is my Mother? Even then I didn't click πŸ’‘ so the Narcissistic abuse continued as I continued to try reason with him...convince myself my compassion and love would see us through. At 18 a Pyschiatrist told me it was imperative I get out from under my Mothers control, I was so in it, with Stockholm syndrome clearly I felt insulted by him. Co-dependent, addicted to the high and low. BIG mistake. I stayed. So two πŸ’‘πŸ’‘ came on for me...'that' behaviour, abuse, control, dominance, gas lighting had a name they each led me to the other...I felt stricken and scared. I was diagnosed with C PTSD in the year I met him, which was whilst I was in complicated grief after the sudden and trauma death of my Childrens Dad, we were in recovery...I migh as well have had a neon sign flashing out of my forehead, Come get me! 😞 after 4years to the date I realised recently, after several attempts. I stood my ground. Done! for 9weeks I was pretty solid, for another 2...but the past 7/8weeks? not so. So I am here to help along my recovery. Hi everyone 😊
Glenda Wallace Ainsworth
I finally have other options in my life both professionally and personally so I have no choice but to move forward after 10 years of an adulterous and emotionally abusive marriage. I am scared, of course, and devastated at the thought of losing contact with my stepsons whom I adore.
Amanda Scott
I've been in a relationship with a classic narcissist who is also semi domestically abusive. I'm 23 now but I started a relationship with him at 20 and over the course of our relationship things continued to go down hill. When we started he was employed with a great job and I was in school. He would always pick about my choice to be in school. Eventually he convinced me instead of wasting money in school, get a full time job and move in together, since my goal was to become independent. Fast forward he lost his job shortly after and I was paying for almost everything. We moved in with my mom who kicked (him) us out but I stayed with him for feeling bad. He would turn abusive when I discovered he was continuously unfaithful and would scare me into staying. Finally after a large altercation where he threaten me with his gun, I packed my bags and left the city in fear, but I had no plan, no money, no job, no education, no car.. nothing. I returned to the city, got my job back, and continued to keep my distance but did not stop talking to him... I still loved him. He never got a job after almost a year, started taking a lot of drugs that he blames me for and scares me into paying for all the things I cosigned on with my credit: rent, bike loan, ect. I helped him recently to avoid an eviction on my credit with rent and I told him it was the last time and he beat me up in a dark parking lot. I had to go to work with bruises on my face and body. I never called the police or did anything that would hurt him but I keep hurting myself by going back to his aid. He always puts me down, belittles anything I do, nothing I do is good enough and he is the ultimate most intelligent person. After him beating me up for the last time, he called to say he decided to just give up on everything and let my credit be ruined because I'm women enough to aid him in landing a job. He blames me for all his failures and I take it. I'm here because I have a shattered ego and a low esteem for who I am and I struggle to figure out who I am without him.

-Also my dad is a Narcissist and my mom stayed with him for 14 yrs, she acted like what he did was normal and I wasn't allow to talk about it to family or friends. When my mom finally left they both pushed me away, I felt abandoned. Now that I'm older, this relationship felt so right for me, but I see the resemblance. Its hard for me now to even push past all the confusion of the right type of person, or how they exist.
Patricia G Gonzalez
A year ago, I was devastated crying an the lady painting my hair told me: "honey you married a narcissistic abuser". I had never heard that term before. After 14 years of marriage I was able to finally divorced him. I had tried 4 times but he was a very powerful politician in Mexico and I couldn't do it. We came to the states in 2010 and he finally gave me the divorce but took away my visa. I found a way to stay legaly for my kids because they have a better future here. After 4 years of holding on to get different visas to be able to stay in the US, I had an emergency surgery that solved the inmate problem but brought long term health problems and he took advantage of that and forced me to marry him again. I was so sick and exhausted I couldn't get another visa. It was the only way to keep my kids in the USA, he knows it would emotionally destroy them to go back. I was able to kick him out of the house but now he is putting my kids in harms way to get to me. I won't allow him to destroy our kids. I realized he still plays me like a puppet and that unless I heal myself I won't be able to protect my kids and help them heal.
nicole maranto
I have been married 12 years and separated from him in Jan 2015. I continued to see him thinking we could "work on our marriage" but i soon began to discover by reading and researching that what i was dealing with was a narcissist and everything i began to read i felt it was like it knew what i was going through. From the beginning he never trusted me but that turned into recording me in my own house in my car checking emails phone you name it he was always thinking i was cheating on him but i never did. What finally did it for me was the fabrications of made up lies he would come up with by recording me in my own house and then the last straw was accusing me of sleeping with his brother. That was my final straw with him and i just could not take it anymore, I am thankful i found this resource and just want to live without constant anxiety and fear. Thank you.
Brianna Closs
Hitting complete rock bottom. Numerous health issues. My ex narc is into drugs and he drugged me couldn't see why I would be afraid of him that was the last straw then I implemented No Contact when he asked for one of his shirts back I had that was packed. I am back living with my parents unable to work and cannot go alone in public or really anywhere except the bank or a drive to the coffee shop drive thru to get out.
tracy matthews
I am ruined 16 years I've been abused now I'm facing felony charges and I am being evicted from my apartment I have no strength to fight I so desperately need help
Angel Wiley
I've come to the end, I've hit bottom. There's nowhere to go but up from here. My last straw was when he stole my electric wheelchair from my patio one early morning before I woke up & traded it for a motorcycle. This was a form of punishment for my trying no contact on my own without any tool's. I'm so looking forward to learning the tools I need to make this successful.... finally the help of been looking for.
Scotia Ogle
I think I've finally hit bottom. My Narc is also an alcoholic, and were it not for this toxic relationship I would still have my sobriety and my sanity.
Debra Rogell
I noticed that every time I had contact with him in person or by email or text, I would experience a period of turmoil & depression that lasted at least 48 hours. I had to work at recovering a non trauma state.
Kim Saeed
I'm glad to know you're working to recover yourself, Debra. It sometimes feels very difficult, but it does pay off if you stick with it...I promise.

Kim
XoXo
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My inspiration-a single quote I saw on Facebook. You can't keep dancing with the devil and wonder why your still in pain.
Kim Saeed
No truer words have never been spoken!

Kim
Nichole Bush
My boyfriend completed hijacked my 40th bday party and proposed to me in front of 100 of my friends and family. Less than 3 days later he was texting his ex wife (who he has seen the whole time we have dated ) and asked to sleep with her. I'm devastated and humiliated. And completely in love with what I thought we would have together. I truly thought he was my fairy tale. I have a 7 year old daughter who has been witness to all of this craziness. I'm desperate for help!
Kim Saeed
I'm sorry you went through that, Nicole. I can relate to your situation more than you may know.

Part of healing is letting go of the fairy tale. It's hard...extremely hard, but necessary. I hope you find help inside the course.

Kim
XoXo